People around me keep on asking what is wrong between me and Puvi? Some even told that I am going mad! Well, I am going mad for your information… So many things that reminding me everyday so many about him… Everything I see and do, it reminds me of him… I stop laughing truly a year ago… I laugh and smile but Only I myself know how fake is my laugh and smile! I dun laugh and smile from my heart, my heart cries and dying inside, How can it produce a sincere laugh or true smiles if the source of Happiness of my heart is Taken away! There are times where I just want to stop and cry in middle of nowhere… Times where I just want to run away from everything and lock myself up… Times where I just wish I can rip my heart off my body… Times where I just want to cry out loud to let everyone know how sad I am… Times where I just wish I was DEAD!
I love to sleep because I can see him in my dreams sometimes! So near and so real… Telling me that he loves me so much and everything will be alright once again! He will hug me tight! I cry…I even cry in my dreams… But I dont know why I cry… Is it because I really feel happy that he is coming back to me or Is it because I knew that was just a dream that would not come true??! After I wake up, I will try to continue my sleep wishing to see him again… And usually I will end up crying and sobbing on my bed for hours … I really wish I could stay forever in my dream and never to be waken up anymore!
Everything seems to be so wrong and unbearable without him. Im not trying to act pity to gain attention, but thats how I really feel. I have friends who can listen to me but I can sense that they are also losing their patients listening to my rewind story that plays like a recorded tape over and over again… Slowly, I just stop talking about him… I want to talk about him 24/7, I want to tell people how I feel everyday, I want to express myself…I just want someone to listen to my recorded tape… I really miss him,I really really do… I can give up anything just to have him by my side again! He told me he is going away, I told him I will wait, He told me he is not coming back ever, I told him its ok..I will wait until he comes back, He told me give up and get on with my life and find someone better, I told him I will stil wait, He told me Im torturing him and he will be much more happier if I could just leave him alone, I told him I love you, He told me I dont love you and Im not coming back, I told him Please dont do this to me, He told me Just leave me alone and stop calling if you really want to see me being happy, I told him again Please dont do this to me, He told me Im not coming back and if I found a better girl, I will just marry her and go, Let me GO if you really love me and want to see me happy, I told him Please dont leave me, He told me Please stop torturing me, I told him Fine, I wont call you anymore but I will wait for you to come back, He told me Thank God and please dont call me anymore! I ended the call and cried out aloud! I feel so scared, so alone and so insecure! I wonder how am I going to carry on without him… Even if I do, could I ever forget him?? Could I love another guy as much as I love him? Or will the guy show me more love and care compared to him?? Or would I just waste my time waiting for him to come back?? If I really waited for him, will he ever come back?? So many insecurity and so many questions…could be solved if he just says I love you and I want you back! Will he ever say that again?? Here, another question without answer again!
” Its all began not long ago when a katak told everybody that all the kataks that live in longkang are dirty and useless without realizing it itself is one of the katak in the longkang!” haha… what a pity in the city longkang!
Well, this might seems to be a funny story that everyone laugh about, but i wonder have the ‘katak’ ever thought of how those katak that live in the longkang would have felt?! How can it insulte its own families?? If the katak really took everyone as family as what he said, wouldnt he have gave them the respect no matter how they differ in beliefs?! So, what ever the katak said was all bullshit…because he dont even has the qualification to talk at all!
I really hope this katak would be crushed by the passing by car or truck..maybe by my passing by bicycle??! O.O
Muahahahahahahhahaha….. (Evil laughs)
Missed morning class…d stupid alarm din work! arghhh…
i was so happy on my birthday,thanx 2 my housemates n my frens..i luv u all,muackss… but i was really sad at the same time,i thought puvi will come to see me but he didnt come..my heart wanted him to be with me so much until i actually came back on friday n check my toilet,hoping that he is hiding inside there to surprise me..but 希望越高，跌得越痛…my heart was ripped when i found out that he wasnt there n he didnt come to kampar n didnt even wish me hapy bufday…i was so angry at him but at d same time i just miss him so much. but he promised me that he will come,so i will just wait for him.and i really hope everything goes really well for him,hope he gets whatever he wants n be hapy!!!