My dreams and Tears!

People around me keep on asking what is wrong between me and Puvi? Some even told that I am going mad! Well, I am going mad for your information… So many things that reminding me everyday so many about him… Everything I see and do, it reminds me of him… I stop laughing truly a year ago… I laugh and smile but Only I myself know how fake is my laugh and smile! I dun laugh and smile from my heart, my heart cries and dying inside, How can it produce a sincere laugh or true smiles if the source of Happiness of my heart is Taken away! There are times where I just want to stop and cry in middle of nowhere… Times where I just want to run away from everything and lock myself up… Times where I just wish I can rip my heart off my body… Times where I just want to cry out loud to let everyone know how sad I am… Times where I just wish I was DEAD!

I love to sleep because I can see him in my dreams sometimes! So near and so real… Telling me that he loves me so much and everything will be alright once again! He will hug me tight! I cry…I even cry in my dreams… But I dont know why I cry… Is it because I really feel happy that he is coming back to me or Is it because I knew that was just a dream that would not come true??! After I wake up, I will try to continue my sleep wishing to see him again… And usually I will end up crying and sobbing on my bed for hours …  I really wish I could stay forever in my dream and never to be waken up anymore!

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Without him…

Everything seems to be so wrong and unbearable without him. Im not trying to act pity to gain attention, but thats how I really feel. I have friends who can listen to me but I can sense that they are also losing their patients listening to my rewind story that plays like a recorded tape over and over again… Slowly, I just stop talking about him… I want to talk about him 24/7, I want to tell people how I feel everyday, I want to express myself…I just want someone to listen to my recorded tape… I really miss him,I really really do… I can give up anything just to have him by my side again! He told me he is going away, I told him I will wait, He told me he is not coming back ever, I told him its ok..I will wait until he comes back, He told me give up and get on with my life and find someone better, I told him I will stil wait, He told me Im torturing him and he will be much more happier if I could just leave him alone, I told him I love you, He told me I dont love you and Im not coming back, I told him Please dont do this to me, He told me Just leave me alone and stop calling if you really want to see me being happy, I told him again Please dont do this to me, He told me Im not coming back and if I found a better girl, I will just marry her and go, Let me GO if you really love me and want to see me happy, I told him Please dont leave me, He told me Please stop torturing me, I told him Fine, I wont call you anymore but I will wait for you to come back, He told me Thank God and please dont call me anymore! I ended the call and cried out aloud! I feel so scared, so alone and so insecure! I wonder how am I going to carry on without him… Even if I do, could I ever forget him?? Could I love another guy as much as I love him? Or will the guy show me more love and care compared to him?? Or would I just waste my time waiting for him to come back?? If I really waited for him, will he ever come back?? So many insecurity and so many questions…could be solved if he just says I love you and I want you back! Will he ever say that again?? Here, another question without answer again!

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★ 雙子座終極完美分析

她有很多的朋友,可是”看起來朋友很多,可是知心的沒有幾個”這句話很深刻的形容了雙子。雙子很能說話,他跟別人可以天南地北的聊,可以聊得很八卦,也會聊一些很嚴肅的話題。雙子可以跟你聊很多東西,可是注意了,他都只是跟你聊一些不關自己的事。隨便他跟你說些什麼,可是跟自己有關的都只是些皮毛而已。比如,今天又有某個明星怎樣怎樣了;隔壁班有多少美女帥哥的。關於自己的事,他幾乎是不說的,就算是說,也是說一些關於自己無關痛癢的事。當你想更進一步的瞭解雙子,他會很自然的把話題給扯開。對於自信的雙子來說,他又同時很沒有安全感,這是雙子特有的矛盾。他喜歡把自己重重包圍住,不讓自己暴露。對於雙子來說,如果在一個還不瞭解的人面前把自己暴露了,就等於讓別人抓住了自己的把柄。這樣就失去了一定的優勢。當雙子感到獨孤悲傷時,只會一個人躲在房間裡哭,或者一個人鬱悶著。雙子也很怕被傷害,很多時候寧願自己承受一切,也不願別人抓住自己的把柄。所以久而久之也就養成了習慣。雙子基本上也是個很痛苦的人。表面上總是很有活力,很快樂的樣子,可是沒人的時候他又總是很憂傷。雙子總會被一種莫名的悲傷籠罩。但他不會讓別人發現的,他怕被傷害,也怕被別人拋棄,只能自己硬挺著一切。所以雙子很神經質,精神脆弱,容易人格分裂,因為承受了太多的東西. 一般來說雙子的孩子都很早熟。雙子對很多的東西都在乎得要命,可是表面上就是看起來什麼都不在乎。雙子並不是故意要掩飾自己,上面說了,這只是一種習慣了,可是在外人看來他就成了虛偽的人。雙子是被公認的最花心、最冷酷無情的星座。其實對於雙子的花心,真的不想再說些什麼了。解釋得太多,累了,也沒耐心了。可是說起雙子,就不得不提感情,雙子這一生,似乎必須被感情牽伴,跟愛情糾纏一世。很多人說雙子並不花心,只是博愛,所以才會有那麼好的人緣。忘了在哪裡看見了這樣的一句話:雙子最大的悲哀在於有兩個人的思想,卻只有一個人的身體,雙子有愛自己所愛的人的權利,也有保護彼此所愛的人的義務,雙子只剩下一個時,愛也就只剩下義務了。我想用如來若去說的一句話給雙子的花心做個總結:花心的極端就是癡心的可怕。該懂的人應該會懂的。至於冷酷無情真的不知道該從何說起。其實雙子是最平和的星座,如果可以不發生衝突,都會盡量避免。雙子也很少跟別人吵架,他討厭吵架,如果是因為一些生活瑣碎小事吵架,那麼雙子就在吵完的那一刻就把這件事給忘了;要雙子真的跟你翻臉,除非是你的所作所為或所說的話實在讓雙子不能忍受,這時他會很鄙視得看你一眼,然後頭也不回地走掉,甚至會不給你留面子地離開。這時你一輩子也別想再和他和好了,就算有的雙子礙於面子和你再成為朋友,但是他們已經對你鄙視到了極點,只不過維持著這一層不得不維持的”朋友”關係其實,很大一部分雙子,對待感情是非常專一的,之所以給人留下花心的美名,是因為很少有人能夠讓略帶童心的雙子動真感情,不是雙子鐵石心腸,而是雙子個性裡面天生有一些憂鬱,一些潛在的不自信,只是雙子隱藏的深入,可是一旦讓雙子動了真感情,那麼恭喜你了,雙子的天真,率直,外加表達能力豐富,一定能讓你獲得很多快樂。每個雙子都有一個故事隱藏在心裡,多數是不堪回首的往事,雙子是個念舊或者說是喜歡沉浸在回憶中的星座,他(她)的這個故事通常都是因情所困,動了感情而被傷害了的雙子是脆弱的,也是堅強的,他(她)可以很快的振作起來,可以當什麼事都沒有發生,這些都是雙子演給世人看的罷了,等到夜深人靜的時候,雙子內心的傷痛隨著血液滲透到全身,他(她)可以一整夜的去回憶之前的點點滴滴,可以一整夜的沉浸在痛苦之中,可以一整夜坐在那裡發呆,但是,一旦天亮了,要出去見人了,雙子馬上就從痛苦中抽身而走,你看到的肯定是一個神采奕奕的雙子,這就是雙子,擁有雙重性格的雙子,一個在世人面前樂天,快樂,在孤獨夜晚獨自傷悲的雙子。雙子的愛是最永恆的,可以付出一切,有人說我們花心,那時我們沒有真正的愛,當雙子愛上一個人的時候是痛苦的,因為我們太敏感。假如雙子愛上了一個不愛自己的人,那莫我相信他永遠都不會再愛了,當愛給過了一個人,他再也沒有能力再付出了,其實太多的人都不懂我們,其實連我們自己都不懂自己,我們很會偽裝,很會說謊,但我們最細膩,對感情最敏感,雙子的愛與悲傷,誰又真的瞭解!

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A KATAK Story

” Its all began not long ago when a katak told everybody that all the kataks that live in longkang are dirty and useless without realizing it itself is one of the katak in the longkang!” haha… what a pity in the city longkang!

Well, this might seems to be a funny story that everyone laugh about, but i wonder have the ‘katak’ ever thought of how those katak that live in the longkang would have felt?! How can it insulte its own families?? If the katak really took everyone as family as what he said, wouldnt he have gave them the respect no matter how they differ in beliefs?! So, what ever the katak said was all bullshit…because he dont even has the qualification to talk at all!

I really hope this katak would be crushed by the passing by car or truck..maybe by my passing by bicycle??! O.O

Muahahahahahahhahaha….. (Evil laughs)

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=.=

Missed morning class…d stupid alarm din work! arghhh…

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Lonely~ing….

Wat d heck is wrong with me????!!! sitting on my bed in the middle of the night technically its 4.15 in d morning…n wat am i doing? hell knows what m i duin cz i myself dunno…jz try 2 write sum crap here!  anyway, nothing much is happening nowadays..pretty much getting used to the life without puvi minus all d nights i cried out loud alone in the room, im kinda ok now! well, just do not want to get my hope high cz future doesnt seems to b tat bright for me, it is kinda gloomy n uncertain! dun wan 2 guess n dun wan 2 predict..jz let wateva wil b wil b *&%%$@#%%$$#$@# (bullshit) haha… wateva! lwk,if ur reading tiz..ur totally forbidden from commenting on my post! make ur choice wisely! muahahaha ~~

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bufday!!!!

i was so happy on my birthday,thanx 2 my housemates n my frens..i luv u all,muackss… but i was really sad at the same time,i thought puvi will come to see me but he didnt come..my heart wanted him to be with me so much until i actually came back on friday n check my toilet,hoping that he is hiding inside there to surprise me..but 希望越高,跌得越痛…my heart was ripped when i found out that he wasnt there n he didnt come to kampar n didnt even wish me hapy bufday…i was so angry at him but at d same time i just miss him so much. but he promised me that he will come,so i will just wait for him.and i really hope everything goes really well for him,hope he gets whatever he wants n be hapy!!!

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